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An auction to remember Matilda Mae

On February 2nd Matilda Mae was found sleeping. On May 2nd she should have been celebrating her first birthday. This month sees the launch of the Matilda Mae Memorial Auction, running from May 11th to May 20th, to raise funds for the Lullaby trust, the charity which works to support those who are affected by SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.) Please do support this worthy cause in any way you can.

Here are the links you need to find out more:

Information about the auction from Tots100

Susanne’s Page about the Auction

The Lullaby Trust

Information about the Mile in Memory Walks

Bubbles and a Trifle Smash for Matilda Mae

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Yesterday was a special day. It should have been a day of celebration for Jennie and her family as their baby girl Matilda Mae toddled around the farm on a holiday specially planned for her first birthday. But, as many of you know, baby Tilda died three months ago from SIDS. Since then both her parents have been amazingly strong, supporting each other, grieving but also celebrating the life of their baby girl and raising awareness of the Lullaby Trust. They have also been carrying on as much as possible with their everyday activities, outings and treats, and wonderful messy play at home for their toddler twins. Like many others, I have been impressed by the way they have put the twins’ needs first, whilst at the same time doing everything they can to honour the memory of Matilda Mae and trying to find the space they need to grieve.

And so they made the decision to continue with the holiday they had planned, and to make the 2nd May a celebration, a positive day in as much as it could be and a happy day for the twins. And then in the evening, when the twins were in bed, they said their own goodbyes to Tilda. You can read their story here.

Like many other bloggers and tweeters, I was thinking of Jennie all day yesterday in everything we did. We wore pink and purple and stars for Matilda Mae, as Jennie had asked people to do on the day of her funeral. In the morning we made jelly, ready for our messy play in the afternoon. I had been planning to do a Trifle Smash for a while, having been inspired by Susanne, and it felt like the right thing to do it Tilda’s birthday. I took Tiddler for his swimming lesson (he wore his star swimming shorts) and then came home for lunch. Next we went out for an ice cream, and then we came back to blow bubbles in the garden for baby Tilda. The children were worried they weren’t going high enough in the sky, until Owl decided that when bubbles pop they reappear in heaven.

Later in the afternoon, I set up both Tuff Spots outside, cleaned them thoroughly with help from Rabbit and Tiddler, and got everything we needed for our trifle smash: the jellies we made earlier, custard, trifle sponges, butterscotch angel delight, bananas, sprinkles, snowflakes (leftover from Christmas but I decided they looked quite like stars!) and lots of bowls, plates, cake cases, spoons and assorted utensils. All the children joined in enthusiastically and played, ate and made a wonderful mess. They decided trifle sponges were too hard so we soaked them in fruit juice, which made them too mushy so they didn’t eat many of them, but everything else was very popular. They played for a long time, and I suddenly noticed that it should have been supper time but of course they were too full to eat anything else. Later, while Owl was at Cubs, I gave the little ones toast and peanut butter, cheese and milk, but when Owl came back I forgot to give him any. I remembered at midnight that he hadn’t had any supper. Spectacular mummy fail! However, he didn’t seem too bothered when I pointed out to him this morning that he hadn’t had supper last night. I have always said that of all my children Owl would be the one who would forget to eat because he is too busy playing. I don’t think I’ve ever forgotten to feed him before though. Rabbit has asked to play with Angel Delight again this afternoon, but this time I think I will give them their supper first!

Jennie, we will always remember Matilda Mae xx

This week

Doing nothing much

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Today has been quite a hard day. Tiddler is not well, I think he has slapped cheek, and he has been needing lots of cuddles. This morning I had to take him and Rabbit to Granny’s house and then take the big boys to their piano lessons. We usually have a bit of table time first, but today I got the feeling that I would have to start getting ready straight after breakfast, allowing two hours to get everyone dressed and out. I was right! The combination of daydreaming and distraction from the big three and a very long tantrum from Tiddler – I don’t want a jumper and socks, I don’t want to go out – meant that it really did take all morning to leave the house. We walked to Granny’s house, which felt like a long way in the snow/sleet with Tiddler on my back, and then left the little two there and went on to the piano lesson. Afterwards, we went back to Granny’s house for lunch and the children watched Peppa Pig. Tiddler then reenacted his earlier tantrum for Granny to see – I don’t want to go, I want to stay here – for about half an hour, but eventually we got on our way. At home, we had hot chocolate and a snack, and then the children watched CBeebies and played while I recovered a bit. Some unauthorised painting occurred, resulting in rather a lot of mess, but it was quite peaceful.

Tiddler then spent another half hour, at least, trying to evade a nappy change, and when I finally succeeded I decided it might as well be bath time. So I bathed the little two separately, trying not to rush and gave each one my attention. We sang lots of songs, Tiddler played with bath toys, and Rabbit with a star-shaped bath melt which turned the water pink. Daddy came home in time to help the big boys with their baths, and then we all had supper together.

I have been thinking through the day, and wondering if it was more or less productive than days in which I try to direct the children’s activities more. I’m not really sure, but looking back I can see that a lot of thinking and learning went on without me having very much to do with it. Owl read the Usborne version of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, I read some stories to Monkey, and later to Rabbit. On the walk from piano lessons to Granny’s house, Owl said “What shall we chat about? I know, lets do some mental Maths.” He then asked me “What is £300.99 plus £120.99?” and then worked it out really quickly, and told me why it was easy to add on 99 to a number. In the afternoon the children watched Nina and the Neurons, and Owl explained to me afterwards how robots work. The two little ones did some lovely, if messy, painting, and we did lots of singing and talking together at bathtime. Rabbit and I talked about baby Matilda Mae, and she asked about heaven and how you get there. She said “I’m sad that she died because I wanted to play with her.” We talked about how it’s okay to feel sad, and sometimes it helps to talk about it, and you can pray about it if you want to. So we prayed for Matilda Mae’s family.

I’ve been reading Jennie’s tweets, as well as her blog, and what has really struck me is her grace and unselfishness, even at this time.

“If you have just half a thought of doing something with your little one, do it today! All week I wanted to get in Matilda’s bath with her”

“Please pls hold your children and kiss them all you can. Tell them you love them many times a day. You will never get a single second back”

“Sing your baby a lullaby tonight. I can’t ever do that for M”

Even as she has been going through this devastating loss and pain, her thoughts have been with others as much as herself. I know I am not the only one who has been moved, challenged and inspired by her words. On Saturday morning, Rabbit asked if she could have a bath with me. After a split second of thinking I would rather have a nice hot bath all to myself, I said yes, and it was lovely. Every day since I read those tweets, I have done things differently. Maybe only small things, but it adds up. I have been more present, listened more, cuddled more, minded less about the mess. It shouldn’t take something like this, but I am grateful to Jennie, more than I can say.

So today, we did nothing much and it turned out to be quite lot, and certainly enough. I think we might do nothing much again tomorrow.

This post is dedicated to Matilda Mae, to her selfless, loving mother, Jennie, and to all their family .

Past, Present, Future – from Jennie’s blog

Jennie Edspire – Jennie’s twitter account

Bliss – The Matilda Mae Precious Star Fund

Matilda Mae

Praying for Kerry

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The fewer the words the better prayer. ~ Martin Luther

I’m struggling to find the words to write this post tonight. Like many other bloggers, I am thinking of Kerry from Multiple Mummy, and have been moved by her story. This is what happened to Kerry and you can see pictures of her and her lovely family in this post by her husband on her blog. Many of us will be praying for her, meditating, sending positive thoughts or just eating chocolate on her behalf, tomorrow night, Saturday 24th November, at 10pm. Please join us if you can. Thank you.

This post is part of a blog hop hosted by New Mum Online.

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