Dear Baby Boy

You are nearly five and a half months old and you are not sleeping through the night yet – let’s talk about that.  You are now two weeks older than any of your older siblings were when they slept through.  And that’s ok – if there’s one thing I’d like you to learn in life, it’s this.  It’s good to be different.  It’s good to be you.

When you were very new I remember tweeting that you were sleeping like a baby – only when you felt like it, for about twenty minutes at a time and right in the middle of the bed!  And looking back on those first few weeks, I was very happy.  Co-sleeping and breastfeeding made it easy, I loved having time just with you and I didn’t care how tired I was.  I didn’t try to do too much else because I knew those early days go too fast.

But somehow it has crept up on me.  The gaps between feeds are getting a bit longer, I’m not quite as tired, and so I’ve started taking on too much.  And I know it’s not right because I’m losing my joy and I’m feeling dragged down.  So I’m glad, my beautiful boy, that you are still waking me up in the night and reminding me of what’s important.  I love your little squeaks and snuffles and wriggles that are your way of telling me what you want.  I love having you right next to me so that you can latch on without even having to open your eyes and you almost never have to cry – well not in the night, at least.  The day times are when you sometimes have to wait, but the night times are all yours.  I love the warmth of you and the weight of you and your milky smiles and the peace that you bring to me.  And after a feed it’s sometimes hard to take my eyes off you because I love watching you sleep.  Other times I’m already asleep myself before you’ve finished!

I’ve started to make some changes, to make life more manageable, so that you and your brothers and sister can have more of my attention.  I haven’t got it all worked out but I will get there.  So don’t start sleeping through the night baby boy, not just yet.  I need you to keep reminding me to slow down and focus on the things that really matter.

I love you.

Mummy